I've been a follower of Jesus for a long time now... Since I was 14 actually. I have learned a lot about God and the nature of God in that timeframe. Most importantly I have learned that God can't be fully understood. I can't put Him in a nice neat box and call it my religion. My relationship with Him is very fluid and is very personal. He knows how to talk to me and I know how to hear Him (whether or not I do what his says all time is another post for another day).
There is one very important thing I have learned: He will redeem it. To clarify: God will redeem everything you lost by being obedient to his direction. The most dangerous and beautiful prayer you can ever say is "I'm yours God. I trust you. Use me." It's dangerous because God will then use you! It's terrifying and God will tell you to do things out of your comfort zone. He will stretch you and mold you into His likeness as you do the things He says. Sometimes though, obedience causes you pain. I grew up in California and when I graduated highschool at 17 years old I used my graduation money to visit my mom, sister and step dad in New Hampshire. I was supposed to be there for a month, which was how long I would usually visit. After about a week I heard God tell me to stay in New Hampshire. Surely God was joking! My entire life was in CA, my dad, my family, my friends, my church. Plus, rural NH was not high on my list for places to live. Seriously, i was a suburban California girl. Where would I find a boyfriend?? (I was 17, these things were important) So I argued with God for a week. God got louder. And louder. AND LOUDER. Finally I gave in. I didn't take the plane home. I broke my dad's heart when I told him I was staying, which broke mine as well. I left my closest friends and a gaping hole was left in their place. I left my whole life, my church, and started over completely. It hurt... badly. Amidst all this chaos and pain I just clung to the trust I had in God that He knew what he was doing. i really hoped He knew what He was doing. I am here to say...God redeemed it. I joined an Assembly of God church which showed my fundamentalist Baptist self a whole other side of God I had not previously seen. He revealed more if himself to me and my relationship with God really flourished. I made new friends whom I am still close to, and still kept the old ones through the miles separating us. My relationship with my step mom was improved by the distance so we could begin to work on healing. This relationship was eventually totally healed before she passed away. I met my husband at the Creation Festival trip my youth group went on. How's THAT for finding a boyfriend :) He redeemed it all. It was my first giant step of faith and I learned so much about trusting God through it. It was painful. It was hard. But trusting God was the right choice. My entire life as I know it right now hinged on that once decision. I thank God every day I trusted him through the pain. Since then I have done many scary things at His request. Things that caused my heart to hurt. I've left churches and lost friends because of God. I've quit jobs He told me to. I've obeyed God and gone where he told me to, knowing I wasn't wanted there. I'm currently sad because recently listening to God caused a situation where budding friendships were cut short and I miss them. It's still raw. But God will redeem it. He already is. I can tell you that if you hear God, obey. He will take care of you. He will heal your heart. It will still be hard. It will still hurt. But trust him in the situation and see what he can do with your life. It's worth it. Just close your eyes, take that trusting leap and trust that God will redeem it.
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AuthorI'm so tired. The children are so not tired. |