It's my littlest baby's first birthday and I find myself reflective about her birth. We had a planned home birth with a midwife and it was the best possible decision for us. I run in circles where a home birth is common. I also run in circles where it is decidedly not common. So I'm going to tell you our story, and the story of Amelie's birth. To demystify it for those who have never met someone who had a home birth, and to make my home birth mommas feel happy and fuzzy. Birth is important and so is the birth story. No matter how your baby got here, the story of it has helped shape who you are. It was only after I started sharing about my traumatic birth with Trinity at a hospital that I was able to start healing emotionally from it. We have to talk more about these moments, to celebrate them and heal from them. So here is Amelie's birth story: Amelie’s birth was very emotional for me for many reasons. I had been having prodromal labor for a week. I had two bouts of it that were so long in duration and so intense I thought her birthday would be that day. It really messes with your mind and emotions when you keep thinking it’s time…. and then it’s not. Due to to the contractions and some other physical issues, I was just miserably pregnant at the end. On the morning of Thursday, May 14 DJ had already left for work and Trinity was at school. I woke up and was having some decently painful contractions. They were radiating around to my back and under. I had done this before, so I layed in bed cuddling Caleb for a while timing them. They felt more intense than previous times. They were not super regular, I would have one at 5 min, another at 7, then 6, then 3, but it was the intensity that was getting my attention. After an hour or so I called the midwife to tell her what was up, she would be on her way. I then called DJ and told him to come home and get Trinity from school. These contractions felt different than before, I was sure it was happening this time. DJ and Trinity got home and Dina (Midwife) arrived. It was about 9:30am. DJ blew up the birth pool. As soon as Dina got there the contractions just stopped. She was there for a half an hour and I didn’t have even one. She checked me and I was already dilated at 4. Most likely I had been there for days due to the other bouts of contractions I had experienced. I felt so defeated. Frustrated. This was the second time DJ had left work and Trinity came out from school at my insistence. Dina told me to take a nap and rest. Maybe I would wake up in labor, and maybe we would have a baby in a few days. She told me to communicate with her during the day. Dina left. DJ went back to work. I kept Trinity home from school to help with Caleb as I needed a nap and I felt like I just needed help. This proved to be a very wise choice. I dozed a bit. I was so miserable. I was uncomfortable, I didn’t trust my body or instincts anymore, I felt lost. I woke up around 1pm to more contractions. They were quite painful but would not evenly space out. I decided to get in the bath tub in the hopes of calming them down or something. In the tub I was so upset. The contractions felt like labor. Real labor. But they would not come at regular intervals so it couldn’t be real labor, right?? I kept praying for my water to break because then I would know for sure. I texted a dear friend of mine and poured my heart out. She gave me some sage advice “Only you can experience what you are feeling. Trust it” Then I cried. A lot. She gave me a bit of confidence that I needed. I got out of the tub and realised I was spotting blood. Well that did it for me. I texted Dina screencaps of my contraction log. They were still not regular, but they were close together and very intense. She called and asked if she should come and chatted with me. I was so confused. I didnt want to get everyone here again for no reason. As much as I knew I was in labor, I couldn’t believe I actually could be since the numbers were telling me I wasn’t. Then I had a contraction while she was on the phone. All I could do was moan through it. “I’m coming” Dina said. At this point i think it was about 3pm ish? My sense of time is decently messed up. I called DJ and told him to come back home. Told him Dina was coming again. He picked up our Caleb babysitter (Corynn) and I waited for everyone to arrive. While coming home DJ called our photographer (Marylou) and our friend Erica. The people we wanted there. Trinity was still downstairs watching Caleb and had been for hours. Thank God for Trinity. Thank God I kept her home. While I waited for everyone I just sat on the computer chair on our room. I could not be bothered to get dressed or move out of the chair. At some point I put a shirt on. I also could not be bothered to time my contractions anymore. Paying attention and hitting that “start” button required more attention than I had. Dina called me a few times to check on me, its only a half an hour drive but I think she thought I would have the baby without her! It also didn’t help that I accidentally called her in the middle of a contraction and I didn’t realise it. I gave my poor midwife a heart attack. Everyone arrived it seemed all at once. Dina checked me and I was dialated at 7 - 8. Well I guess that means I was in labor! That was very validating. We are having a baby!!! DJ was quickly filling the tub and I got myself in. I labored in the tub for a while. Physically I was feeling everything one would expect, but I was still very emotionally raw. I was not prepared for the emotionality of this birth at all. I never had that happen before. I wanted to be held, cuddled and petted. DJ came into the tub with me. He was so sweet and reassuring (even though he kept cracking jokes. If I could have kicked him I would have haha) I was being very vocal about my needs. I was not afraid to ask for what I needed. Trinity kept chattering during my contractions and I calmly told her I needed her not to talk during a contraction and if she couldn’t contain herself I would have to boot her out the room. I told her i didn’t want to do that at all, but i really needed her to be quiet during contractions. She was better after that. DJ was great at back rubbing and support and loving me. Our friend Erica came and she was holding my hand and fanning me. Everyone who was there was supporting me in some way. At some point I remember saying “Is this the worst it’s going to get???” Everyone told me it was. I believed them. I started to feel pressure during contractions but it was so fast and soon that my mind could not comprehend that it was time to push even though my body was telling me it was. I’m not sure how long I labored like that, but Dina caught on to what was going on. She told me to stand so I could feel gravity. I kept telling her no, I wasn’t going to stand, I couldn’t do it etc. I finally stood and they coaxed me out of the tub and onto the bed. Dina wanted to check me again. She declared that I was fully dilated and I could push any time I wanted. Well that was all I needed to hear! She asked if I wanted to get back into the tub, as I had wanted a water birth. I told her no. The thought of moving again was impossible. I just wanted baby out and I didn’t care where I was! So I pushed once and my water broke. I pushed again and her head was out (or nearly out, this is a little fuzzy) All of a sudden everyone is yelling at me to slow down. I had to slow down or I would tear. Also, I was screaming pretty loud. My throat was sore the next day. It was very intense. In the next few pushes, Amelie was born at 6:40pm. DJ nearly didn’t even get to catch her, it happened so fast. He almost missed it, he had been changing out of his wet clothes. Trinity almost missed it, she had gone downstairs to make eggs. The amount of relief that flooded over me immediately upon her entrance to the world was indescribable. I had originally wanted them to leave her where she was and I would get her when I wanted her (as opposed to putting her immediately on my chest). With Caleb and Trinity it was all so fast and surreal that when they were plunked on top of me I just started at them in disbelief like “its a baby, Where did you come from??” I wanted to collect myself and then meet my baby. Well that got thrown out the window the second she was born. I was like “give me the baby!!” You just never know what you will do till that moment. Plus I didn’t need that moment to collect myself, I was ready for her right away. When she was a few minutes old, DJ anointed her with oil and prayed over her with Trinity joining in. The same prayer that was said over Caleb upon his birth. The prayer that was said was the Sh’ma: Hear O Israel, The LORD is our G-d, the LORD alone! Love the LORD your G-d with all of your heart, and with all of your soul, and with all of your strength! These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children.Talk about them when you sit at home. And, when you walk along the road, and when you lie down, and when you get up! Tie them as symbols on your hands. Bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses, and on your gates. Deut. 6:4-9 And, love your neighbor as yourself! - Lev. 19:18 We snuggled and cuddled and Caleb got to meet her. It was beautiful. Time to check out the baby! All three of my births were very different. Trinity was born in the hospital and was very medical and I had had no power over what happened really. Caleb was born at home and it was a very peaceful all day affair. I was very introverted and no one could even touch me after a while because even my skin hurt. It was just me alone birthing my baby (even though I had a room full of support). Amelie’s birth was a home as well, but was very fast, emotional and dramatic for me. I needed everyone’s support, but especially DJs. He and I birthed Amelie together, I could not have done it without him.
Welcome to the world Amelie Naomi Mills, my precious bonus baby. I’m so glad you are here.
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Whew! It's dusty around here. I'm really sorry about that. I love blogging and had no intention of taking a break. I suddenly found myself on a detour. Not a bad detour, it was just that my journey of life took a sharp left turn into the hills as opposed to toward the ocean. Nothing wrong with it, it's still pretty, it's just different than expected and required an adjustment period.
Let me explain. So I have 3 kids. You mostly all know this. Every time I have had a baby God has worked out our financial and job situation to accommodate the baby. Each time I had no idea what God was going to do but every time I trusted Him to reveal an opportunity for me. With Trinity God enabled me to stay home for a year and then work part time around our family's needs until she was 10. When Caleb came around I got a promotion at work upon my return from maternity leave which enabled me to work from home 3 days a week and go into work 2 days a week. It was awesome! Then when Amelie was born it became very obvious to me that having 2 littles around was not conducive for holding down a job. My days were utterly consumed by caring for them, the house and myself. We started to pray for an answer because we needed my income, but I had no real option for earning it. One evening God told me to go to the Bible study at my old church. So i did. I started to make friends with one of the girls there and it turns out she was a distributor for It Works. I am quite familiar with the company since I had been a distributor with them a few years ago when Caleb was a baby. I had a pretty negative experience at that time due to the team I was on. My team leader would bully those under her, lie to customers, and just not be an honest business woman at all. It was never the company that gave me a bad taste, it was my team. I cut myself off from my team and tried to go it alone. I did not want to be associated with dishonesty. Unfortunately, I couldn't hack it alone, so I quit. Now 3 years later this new friend of mine is chatting with me about it again and explaining how things had changed. Her team ran very differently and everything that had made me quit the first time was not an issue anymore. So with a determined heart, I signed up again. I worked my butt off. Failure was not an option. This was my option to make money around the needs of my family and I had to make it work. There was no "try". There was no "lets see if i can make it work". I decided it would work. I worked my business while the baby slept. I worked while Caleb was in school. I texted with customers while DJ gamed at night. I did most of my business building while stuck on the couch nursing the baby. I met with my team mates to mentor them while our kids played together. Any "free" moment I had that would not take away from my family's needs, I worked. I was on a short time constraint for a $1,000 bonus and I was not about to miss it. And that right there is why my blog got dusty. I was using the time I would normally write, to work, What precious, little time it was. I did get the bonus, by the way, so it was worth it. I have nearly replaced my full time income. I am working smarter, not harder. I am being successful and feeling quite pleased. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I am making significant progress. Also my teammates have become friends! They are supportive and amazing and give awesome training! God really put me on the best possible team for the way I do business, and my personality. I'm also going to start blogging again. What is the use of a "job" that I can revolve around my life, if I'm not going to do something that makes me happy? So I'm back. Expect more stories, kids, pictures and fun. I missed you guys :) |
AuthorI'm so tired. The children are so not tired. |